who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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