i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
