Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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