So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
