Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
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you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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