I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
