there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
