Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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