Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
