i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
