i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
