winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Never underestimate the power of titties
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
