they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my being single is dangerous.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
