I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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