woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
