omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
