I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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