He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
