One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
