I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
