He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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