i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
