What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
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