hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
