Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my being single is dangerous.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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