Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
