Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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