She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
