i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
