WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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