this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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