I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
