I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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