whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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