Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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