people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
