I have demons in me.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
