You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
