Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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