He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize