Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?

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(352): View more from Florida

I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.

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(858): View more from California

He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities

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(812): View more from Indiana

This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock

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(615): View more from Tennessee

He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.

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(503): View more from Oregon

He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.

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(316): View more from Kansas

Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!

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