my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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