I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
