my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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