he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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