Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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