Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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