I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
