He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Your dad touched me again.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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