I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
P.S. I can't hear my feet
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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