it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
