I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
