your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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