May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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