AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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