Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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