According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
