i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
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Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
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I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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