She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
