when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
And then he peed in my hair
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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