she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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