Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
why do cheetos always look like penises
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
