your parents love me but you hate me
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
